Post by retrosoulgirl on Apr 21, 2023 21:25:48 GMT
I was notified that 5 years ago, I decided to leave this forum. When I had a look back, I noticed how destructive I was and the mess I left behind. Everyone was so afraid of my reactions, behavior, and just... me. Well yes, this is Brianna. 5 years later- and I've not come back to annoy people. Or to post here at all. But I wanted this quick opportunity to not only apologize, but update you all with some fantastic news and to correct what went wrong. Most importantly, thanks to Elton and the power of music, I'm a whole new person today. If you don't know who I am and what happened 5 years ago, please kindly disregard my post.
I was young, and I wasn't just diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have borderline personality disorder and ADHD, too. All of this explains why my sexual tension and talk over Elton was overbearing and I couldn't understand why I was being "filtered". It is the result of me growing up alone without a proper outlet for these excessive hormones and feelings. I was barely 18. Now I'm pushing 24, and with daily therapy, medications, life experiences and some maturity, I've seen a whole different woman arise. I wanted to share this with everyone here because I wanted to inspire those who were affected by my foolishness, and to see that I am not a lost cause.
This is really not about "disorders" though. Anyone can be an idiot with or without a mental illness. And I was flat out an idiot back then. However, even to this day I struggle to find a proper support system and a place where I can truly feel loved. Music, such as Elton John, became my refuge and I would seek out forums like these to "fangirl" over and release all my stress. Of course, I did not learn back then that there is a time and place for ever feeling. Such sexual talk was not the place to share here. I also was never diagnosed correctly and given the proper outlet to discuss and sort out these issues until very recently. It has taken 5 years for me to realize that I shouldn't hate myself and that I need to love myself in order to push on, heal and see the overall "big picture".
A lot of my changes were aided by my inspiration from Elton John, however... in 2019 Elton introduced me to a one of a kind band called Collective Soul. They have a duet together called "Perfect Day" (HIGHLY recommend all fans hear it). Long story short, I have befriended this ban, their families and team, and have been invited into the lead singer's house, and am working with their director on a documentary. This is all still a WIP, and I'm not supposed to leak this, but I don't care... Elton COULD be in this documentary for a short feature if we can get him to talk for a second about Ed Roland, their singer. Though it may be many years before we can complete the doc. Ed and Elton have a long history together of great friendship that I can't explain all here. The reason why I bring up Collective Soul is because this band has become the key to my future and success, and growing and maturing as a woman.
This pic is microscopic but here's Ed and Elton together in 1999.
You can learn more about their friendship in this video I made: www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q-6KLvd8J4&t
Since I live in Michigan, and Collective Soul is based in Atlanta, GA I've been flying frequently down to Atlanta to see shows with them, meet them photograph them and much more. I'm now an aspiring music photographer, music writer/reviewer, social media specialist for bands, and more. I also have been recording music on the piano semi-professionally and covering songs from Elton, Collective Soul and other artists as well as writing my own songs. Collective Soul actually featured me playing piano on their social media pages when I first became a fan. I hold a successful, huge group over on Facebook for Collective Soul (called Collective Soul Fans) in which their families and friends are a part of and support me. I now understand the struggled admins had to make here when I was once being difficult. This band has saved my life, just as Elton John did, and both artists are tattooed on my calves now with words they both really told me: Elton told me "Miracles happen and you are living proof". And Ed told me "You are love". Since then I've been working has hard as I possibly can to use everything Elton and Ed have taught me to step forward in life, always improve and how to learn to be myself and love it. I no longer define myself as a bipolar, borderline "challenge", but a simple human being looking for love and to share it. And what better way to share love than through music?
I just had surgery one week ago. At 23 years old I found out that I cannot have sex, nor children, until the damage of m body is healed/reversed. I have severe endometriosis. Lots of medication and physical therapy is in my future. I've had 4 surgeries in the last year. I also lost 4 loved ones in the last year, including my grandma. I've lost my very best friend since I was 4 and some pets. There's nothing for me in my home. My dad is very abusive towards me and scares me. I have a dream and goal to move to Atlanta and it may be possible within the next 1-2 years. There is where all my support systems and friends are, and promises for my music/art career. I've made a ton of mistakes in my life, and I've well suffered the consequence. I've also suffered from defeats that I know I never deserved. Still, "I'm still standing"- tired of the days that I would give up and want to end my life. Tired of hurting others or being misunderstood. Now it's all about reaching my goals, and setting a healthy outlook, and being strong. As Elton told me, "Life is worth living and sometimes we have to crash and burn to come out the other side".
I have no quarrels with anyone here. I don't choose to speak with anyone directly, nor do I plan to ever post here in the future after this post unless, maybe y'all want me to. I'm kinda too busy to post here. I thought about not posting here at all to keep the peace- but looking back, I could not depart this place and leave a tornado behind. I just wanted to take this opportunity to formally apologize with those affected by my past troublesome nature, drama, etc., and to show that people CAN improve, so don't lose hope in others. Please. Not everyone you meet online is a monster or means to hurt you, although it's perfectly okay to keep your distance from others who are bringing you stress. I'm sorry to all of those involved in the messes I (and WE) created but here's to a new year and new opportunities! (And cheers to keeping forums alive in 2023... I am currently creating one for Collective Soul.)
I personally request that comments be turned off of this thread if possible. If not, just understand that I most likely will not be replying and may never log back into this account after a few days. I just wanted to state my thoughts and apologize. Feel free to delete my post if it does not apply to this forum, is unnecessary, causes drama, etc. It's okay.
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If my story really fascinates you then you can click and watch this video of the first time I ever met Ed Roland. We talk about Elton John for a huge chunk of the video. And it's really sweet! I showed Ed the book that Elton signed and wrote his letter to me in and I had Ed sign the book for me. He was so humbled but shocked that I wanted him to sign by Elton's letter that he almost declined, lol! Here's that awesome video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bscv5Y6cHOY
I was young, and I wasn't just diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have borderline personality disorder and ADHD, too. All of this explains why my sexual tension and talk over Elton was overbearing and I couldn't understand why I was being "filtered". It is the result of me growing up alone without a proper outlet for these excessive hormones and feelings. I was barely 18. Now I'm pushing 24, and with daily therapy, medications, life experiences and some maturity, I've seen a whole different woman arise. I wanted to share this with everyone here because I wanted to inspire those who were affected by my foolishness, and to see that I am not a lost cause.
This is really not about "disorders" though. Anyone can be an idiot with or without a mental illness. And I was flat out an idiot back then. However, even to this day I struggle to find a proper support system and a place where I can truly feel loved. Music, such as Elton John, became my refuge and I would seek out forums like these to "fangirl" over and release all my stress. Of course, I did not learn back then that there is a time and place for ever feeling. Such sexual talk was not the place to share here. I also was never diagnosed correctly and given the proper outlet to discuss and sort out these issues until very recently. It has taken 5 years for me to realize that I shouldn't hate myself and that I need to love myself in order to push on, heal and see the overall "big picture".
A lot of my changes were aided by my inspiration from Elton John, however... in 2019 Elton introduced me to a one of a kind band called Collective Soul. They have a duet together called "Perfect Day" (HIGHLY recommend all fans hear it). Long story short, I have befriended this ban, their families and team, and have been invited into the lead singer's house, and am working with their director on a documentary. This is all still a WIP, and I'm not supposed to leak this, but I don't care... Elton COULD be in this documentary for a short feature if we can get him to talk for a second about Ed Roland, their singer. Though it may be many years before we can complete the doc. Ed and Elton have a long history together of great friendship that I can't explain all here. The reason why I bring up Collective Soul is because this band has become the key to my future and success, and growing and maturing as a woman.
This pic is microscopic but here's Ed and Elton together in 1999.
You can learn more about their friendship in this video I made: www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q-6KLvd8J4&t
Since I live in Michigan, and Collective Soul is based in Atlanta, GA I've been flying frequently down to Atlanta to see shows with them, meet them photograph them and much more. I'm now an aspiring music photographer, music writer/reviewer, social media specialist for bands, and more. I also have been recording music on the piano semi-professionally and covering songs from Elton, Collective Soul and other artists as well as writing my own songs. Collective Soul actually featured me playing piano on their social media pages when I first became a fan. I hold a successful, huge group over on Facebook for Collective Soul (called Collective Soul Fans) in which their families and friends are a part of and support me. I now understand the struggled admins had to make here when I was once being difficult. This band has saved my life, just as Elton John did, and both artists are tattooed on my calves now with words they both really told me: Elton told me "Miracles happen and you are living proof". And Ed told me "You are love". Since then I've been working has hard as I possibly can to use everything Elton and Ed have taught me to step forward in life, always improve and how to learn to be myself and love it. I no longer define myself as a bipolar, borderline "challenge", but a simple human being looking for love and to share it. And what better way to share love than through music?
I just had surgery one week ago. At 23 years old I found out that I cannot have sex, nor children, until the damage of m body is healed/reversed. I have severe endometriosis. Lots of medication and physical therapy is in my future. I've had 4 surgeries in the last year. I also lost 4 loved ones in the last year, including my grandma. I've lost my very best friend since I was 4 and some pets. There's nothing for me in my home. My dad is very abusive towards me and scares me. I have a dream and goal to move to Atlanta and it may be possible within the next 1-2 years. There is where all my support systems and friends are, and promises for my music/art career. I've made a ton of mistakes in my life, and I've well suffered the consequence. I've also suffered from defeats that I know I never deserved. Still, "I'm still standing"- tired of the days that I would give up and want to end my life. Tired of hurting others or being misunderstood. Now it's all about reaching my goals, and setting a healthy outlook, and being strong. As Elton told me, "Life is worth living and sometimes we have to crash and burn to come out the other side".
I have no quarrels with anyone here. I don't choose to speak with anyone directly, nor do I plan to ever post here in the future after this post unless, maybe y'all want me to. I'm kinda too busy to post here. I thought about not posting here at all to keep the peace- but looking back, I could not depart this place and leave a tornado behind. I just wanted to take this opportunity to formally apologize with those affected by my past troublesome nature, drama, etc., and to show that people CAN improve, so don't lose hope in others. Please. Not everyone you meet online is a monster or means to hurt you, although it's perfectly okay to keep your distance from others who are bringing you stress. I'm sorry to all of those involved in the messes I (and WE) created but here's to a new year and new opportunities! (And cheers to keeping forums alive in 2023... I am currently creating one for Collective Soul.)
I personally request that comments be turned off of this thread if possible. If not, just understand that I most likely will not be replying and may never log back into this account after a few days. I just wanted to state my thoughts and apologize. Feel free to delete my post if it does not apply to this forum, is unnecessary, causes drama, etc. It's okay.
If my story really fascinates you then you can click and watch this video of the first time I ever met Ed Roland. We talk about Elton John for a huge chunk of the video. And it's really sweet! I showed Ed the book that Elton signed and wrote his letter to me in and I had Ed sign the book for me. He was so humbled but shocked that I wanted him to sign by Elton's letter that he almost declined, lol! Here's that awesome video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bscv5Y6cHOY
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